[GORDON AND WARREN ARE IN THE DISUSED MEDICAL BAY ON THE GROUND FLOOR, PLAYING REBOUNDS WITH A TENNIS BALL]
[WARREN IS OCCASIONALLY SHORT OF BREATH AND HAS A PERSISTENT COUGH]
WARREN
So, the Pus Crank Christmas medley was called Beth-mayhem?
GORDON
O Little Town of Bethmayhem. We did several actually.
WARREN
Oh yeah, what were they called?
GORDON
God Rest Ye Metal Gentlemen.
WARREN
Good.
GORDON
The First No-Hell.
WARREN
That’s very good!
GORDON
Good King Wencesthrash.
WARREN
Wencesthrash?
GORDON
Yeah, I mean… It’s harder than you think.
[WARREN TAKES A MOMENT TO THINK]
WARREN
We Wish You A Metal Christmas.
GORDON
Um, no… Too easy.
[WARREN MISHITS THE BALL]
GORDON
Oh, are you alright?
WARREN
Yeah, Yeah, I’m fine.
GORDON
Two shoots to me for that!
WARREN
I know.
[GORDON HITS THE BALL, WARREN TAKES HIS TURN ENTHUSIASTICALLY]
WARREN (con’t)
While Shepherds Rocked Their Socks By Night!
GORDON
Um, yeah that one’s better!
WARREN
The 12 Days of Crustmas.
GORDON:
Yes!
[CUT. WARREN AND GORDON PLAYING GOLDENEYE]
WARREN
Would you rather…do a tiny shit every hour on the hour, or spend one week a year doing all your shits in one go?
GORDON
Is this during sleeping hours as well?
WARREN
For which? The every hour one?
GORDON
Yeah, yeah. No. Wait. No, both of them. I mean… you couldn’t shit for a full week 24/7 without sleep.
WARREN
You get to sleep as normal.
GORDON
Okay umm… Would the week be exempt from annual leave or sick pay entitlements? Does this impact the whole human race or just me personally? I’d hate to lose a week of holiday just because I - Oh! Ha ha ha ha!
WARREN
Oh my God! Fuck sake.
GORDON
That is why you don’t play as Baron Samedi on Goldeneye.
WARREN
He’s the coolest one.
GORDON
Yeah, but his tophat still counts as his head so he has like 3 times the surface area for me to get a headshot.
WARREN
Well, yeah fine, let me be Mishkin then.
GORDON
No, I’m always Mishkin. You have everyone else to can be.
WARREN
But I would like to be Mishkin.
GORDON
No, you only want to be Mishkin cos you can’t have him. I like the shape of his head.
WARREN
His head is square. They all have square heads.
GORDON
Come on!
WARREN
Oh oh look look, she’s waddling, Gordon, she’s waddling.
GORDON
Waffles! Hey!
WARREN
To be fair, I did think tortoises came bigger than that.
GORDON
She’s only wee. She came out of an egg remember. She’ll get bigger. Like shoebox kind of big.
WARREN
Do you like her?
GORDON
She’s my daughter now. Aren’t you Waffles? Aren’t yah! Ow! She pinched me! Didn’t you! I can’t believe they actually gave us a tortoise.
WARREN
Well, that is the almighty power I wield.
[THE COMM CRACKLES]
GRACE
Warren, can we see you in the lab in 5 minutes, please? Over.
WARREN
That’s a ten four. Over.
GORDON
A-ok.
WARREN
Roger Roger.
GRACE
What?
WARREN
Yep. Give me 5 minutes.
GRACE
That’s what I said.
WARREN
I mean 10 minutes.
GORDON
Is that…is it time to -
WARREN
No, it’s just more scans, I think.
[THE COMMS GO AGAIN]
GRACE
Gordon, I need you to help Pamela with the saline. We need to top up the supply, there’s not enough down here for another freeze and Bryony wants him in before 7 o’clock.
[THEY PAUSE]
WARREN
Yeah er… We’ll be there now.
GORDON
Warren, you’ve been out less than a week.
WARREN
Yeah well, they must be stepping it up.
GORDON
Look you know you don’t have to actually -
WARREN
I know I know. I don’t have to do anything.
[AWKWARD SILENCE]
GORDON
Warren. Do you…do you like going into hypersleep?
WARREN
Well… I like being good at something.
GORDON
You’re good at GoldenEye. And you don’t have to risk your life every time you play it.
WARREN
You’re gonna be here, when I get out?
GORDON
Always am.
WARREN
Well, if you’re not, I get to be Mishkin. In perpetuity.
[CUT]
[IT RAINS AS AUBREY IS IN HER VAN]
[SHE POURS A CUP OF TEA AND BLOWS ON IT IMPATIENTLY]
[A LITTLE ALARM GOES OFF – SHE PICKS UP THE COMM AND CLICKS IT SIX TIMES]
[CLICK, STATIC, CLICK, STATIC]
[EVENTUALLY THE COMM CRACKLES TO LIFE]
GORDON
Hello?
AUBREY
Hi Gordon.
GORDON
Aubrey?
AUBREY
Yes, it’s still me. How are you?
GORDON
I am freezing.
AUBREY
I’m sure there’s plenty of places you could go inside where they wouldn’t walk in on you.
GORDON
I don’t trust anywhere inside. I don’t really trust being outside. I don’t know how long I can get away with this Aubrey. I can only pretend to inspect the guttering so many times.
AUBREY
To be honest you shouldn’t be pretending. The icicles that build up on those gutters are lethal. They’re like stalactites. I remember one broke off when Ben was carrying some equipment and bumped into a wall, I swear it would’ve gone straight through his head if it had hit him. Maybe I shouldn’t stand beneath them then.
[A PAUSE]
GORDON
Aubrey?
AUBREY
I’m sorry. I just…I just can’t believe he’s dead. Ben. I mean I can, of course I can. It’s why we were so careful all this time. We knew what they would do to us if they found us. I mean, I had to assume when he went quiet on me that they’d got to him. I just… I just can’t believe he’s been down there in one of those bloody pods. For Bryony to play with like he’s a…
GORDON
Teddy bear?
AUBREY
Alright Gordon.
GORDON
At least you know it’s equal opportunities butchery roung here. Anyone’s head can be sawn off.
AUBREY
Ben Thomas was a lot of things but don’t forget he helped you get all the information you were searching for on Red Valley, just like me.
GORDON
You’re right. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry about Ben Thomas. He was your friend.
AUBREY
Well, let’s not carried away, he was a twat. How’s Warren?
GORDON
He went back in tonight.
AUBREY
Again? But it’s only been -
GORDON
Five days. He’s only been out of the lab for 3. This is the 5th time he’s been in.
AUBREY
Why’s she doing that?
GORDON
It’s madness, isn’t it? Clive Schill is right. If Warren’s what you said he was, when he was in your van, you said he was the most valuable commodity Overhead could ever have. Why is she putting him at such risk if he’s the golden egg? Gordon, I need to know what she’s doing in there. I don’t know what she’s doing. Not the important stuff, I could never understand it.
AUBREY
But you’re archiving for her as she goes, right? So you have access to the data?
GORDON
Yeah, she makes me catalogue everything.
AUBREY
Gordon, I need you to get as much of that as possible on to a storage device and take it into the tunnel.
GORDON
What?
AUBREY
You can do it. Say you’re…exploring. For your archiving or whatever. Head down the tunnel, go all the way to the reactor housing, leave it somewhere conspicuous.
GORDON
And what’s going to happen to it in there?
AUBREY
There’s another way into the tunnel. From the other side of the Ballbag.
GORDON
There’s…other mines that were supposed to be connected to it -
AUBREY
So, you’ve seen the plans then?
GORDON
Yes, but…how do you know they’re even built, or safe?
AUBREY
I’ve been poking around one of them. It went really far.
GORDON
How far?
AUBREY
I don’t know, I got scared and came back out again.
GORDON
I don’t know about this Aubrey.
AUBREY
Look it’s risky enough me even being this close so we can talk over the comm. The weather won’t always be able to hide me so well. You can’t come out and meet me. And frankly, if we’re seriously talking about getting both of you out of there one day, we need to know whether that tunnel is a viable way in and out of the station. I thought you’d jump at the chance.
GORDON
To go down the terrifying tunnel built from an ancient granite mine into the middle of a mountain? Yeah… Sounds thrilling.
AUBREY
Gordon, it’s not a dungeon. Your end is fine, it’s totally safe. It’s wired in, there’s lights, it’s fine. It’s a fascinating concept actually.
GORDON
Well, send Grand Designs down there then.
AUBREY
Will you do it?
GORDON
I’m not going down there on my own. I’ll take Warren when he next comes out.
AUBREY
But we don’t know how long that could be. It could be weeks for all we know.
GORDON
I doubt it. Look, I’m not confronting a genuine phobia of being crushed by a thousand tonnes of rock by myself. Have you ever seen The Descent?
AUBREY
No.
GORDON
Neither have I. For that exact reason.
AUBREY
Very few people get the opportunity to face a phobia as specific as that. It could be a real breakthrough for you.
GORDON
I don’t know if I like you, Aubrey.
AUBREY
Or you’ll go down in history as the first man crushed to death by a ballbag.
[WARREN AND GORDON ARE AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE TUNNEL INTO THE MOUNTAIN]
GORDON
And you’ve got more batteries for your torch?
WARREN
Er… Yes.
GORDON
Did you bring snacks?
WARREN
Snacks?
GORDON
Yeah.
WARREN
How long do you think this tunnel is?
GORDON
It runs all the way into the mountain. Who knows.
WARREN
What’s in your bag? I thought it was, like, recording equipment.
GORDON
It’s just stuff -
WARREN
Is that a sleeping mat?
GORDON
I’m anxious about it, Warren.
WARREN
This was your idea. We don’t have to go in. Who cares what’s in there? I’ll get the door.
[WARREN OPENS THE DOOR TO TH TUNNEL]
Oh my God, it’s heavy.
[GRUNTS WITH THE EFFORT]
Oh my God, do you have to speak Parseltongue to open this?
GORDON
Let me help.
WARREN
I’ve got it.
GORDON
Look I can help -
WARREN
I said I’ve got it.
[IT FINALLY GIVES AND WARREN DRAGS IT’S HEAVY WEIGHT SO ITS FULLY OPEN]
GORDON
Warren. You’ve only been out of the lab a day, this is probably really stupid.
WARREN
We don’t do these things because they’re easy, but because they’re hard.
GORDON
Was that JFK?
WARREN
Well yeah… that’s my best impression. This is this is very cool and scary, isn’t it?
GORDON
Are you sure you’re okay?
WARREN
I’m fine. Are you okay?
GORDON
Prop the door with that bin would you.
[CUT]
GORDON
Did the lights just flicker?
WARREN
No, it was me, just messing about with the torch. Be cool.
GORDON
I am cool.
WARREN
So. There isn’t a prototype small micro -
GORDON
Small modular reactor.
WARREN
Yeah, right. So, there isn’t one.
GORDON
No, no, it was just like the seed vault. They built everything for it but never saw it through.
WARREN
Or maybe it was another smoke screen to hide something else.
GORDON
I don’t think we’d be able to get in so easily if that was the case. Overhead wouldn’t just leave the door unlocked if they had a cloned Triceratops down here or something.
WARREN
But how else would it feed, Gordon. It needs to feed. And it only eats…archivists.
GORDON
Shut up.
[THEY WALK ON SILENTLY FOR A MOMENT]
WARREN
So, have you heard any more from, Aubrey?
GORDON
Yeah, I spoke to her the other night. While you were hypersleeping.
WARREN
You know you don’t have to whisper down here.
GORDON
Considering how we got in this predicament you’re very laissez-faire about being overheard.
WARREN
What did she say?
GORDON
Not a lot. She mainly wants to hear about you of course.
WARREN
Well, I am kind of a big deal.
GORDON
I’ll be honest with you, Warren. We’re going down here because I’m leaving a data stick for Aubrey to pick up. She wants to see all of Bryony’s work on you.
WARREN
What? That is wild!
GORDON
She wants to know what is happening with you so she can help. Are you angry?
WARREN
Why would I be angry? That’s some covert shit. I thought it was a bit mad to be coming down here for a day out when you’re clearly bricking it.
GORDON
I just thought. I mean it’s your confidential information, you know.
WARREN
I think we’re a bit past that, aren’t we? How is she collecting it?
GORDON
Well, she says there is another exit. It must be one of the disused mining tunnels from the other side of the mountain. It’s much further from her end but she’s confident she can make it.
WARREN
Wow. All of this going on while I’m in hypersleep. What else do you guys get up to?
GORDON
Nothing really. When you’re frozen and everyone else is gone it’s a bit…
WARREN
What?
GORDON
It’s… just nice to talk to someone.
WARREN
Right. I mean… I hoped the tortoise would be good for you but, I appreciate she probably doesn’t talk very much.
GORDON
Hey, look I trust Waffles. I still don’t know if we can trust Aubrey. We don’t know her. Not really. I just think we have to take the risk.
WARREN
Sure. Why not. I don’t think anyone knows anyone to be honest.
[THEY WALK ON A LITTLE LONGER]
Would you rather have the head of a dolphin, or the tail of a dolphin?
[CUT]
[THEY’VE REACHED THE END OF THE TUNNEL]
[THEIR VOICES ECHO A BIT]
WARREN
I think, this is it.
GORDON
Yeah. Great isn’t it.
WARREN
I guess. It’s got a kind of Batcave feel to it.
[A RUSTLE OF BISCUIT WRAPPERS]
GORDON
Custard cream?
[WARREN TAKES ONE]
WARREN
So, it doesn’t…do anything else. It’s just this empty space.
GORDON
Well, I mean… it’s not empty. Look, this is where the reactor was going to go. You could deliver it on a couple of trucks, trolley it down here, assemble on site. It could run the station easily, the plan was it could actually run a whole community. That’s what the pamphlet said anyway. Maybe it was all made up.
WARREN
Yeah right, So, umm… where are you going to leave all my deepest, darkest secrets?
GORDON
Oh yeah.
[GORDON PULLS OUT A BAKED BEAN TIN]
In one conspicuous tin of baked beans.
[GORDON PULLS OUT ONE MORE SMALL PACKAGE]
WARREN
Wait, is that one of our Bakewell tarts?
GORDON
You said she liked Bakewell tart.
WARREN
I said she gave me Bakewell tart.
GORDON
Do you want me to take it back?
WARREN
No. Can we go? I’m cold.
GORDON
Sure.
[CUT]
[THEY’RE WALKING BACK]
[WARREN STOPS WITH A COUGHING FIT]
GORDON
[concerned] Are you okay?
WARREN
Yep. Just hang on.
[GORDON SHINES HIS TORCH DIRECTLY AT WARREN]
Hey, just get your torch out of my eyes.
GORDON
You’re coughing blood…
WARREN
[playing it down] Oh. It’s just a little blood.
GORDON
Warren.
WARREN
Look let’s get back.
GORDON
Warren, we need to talk about this. While we’re able to.
WARREN
What do you mean?
GORDON
I don’t know when we’ll get a chance to talk without Bryony on your shoulder while you’re… well, while you’re in a good mood.
WARREN
In a good mood?
GORDON
You know what I mean.
WARREN
I don’t want to do this.
GORDON
You don’t want to do this? How do you think I feel?
WARREN
Yeah, you seem like you’re having a really bad time.
GORDON
What?
WARREN
Don’t pretend this whole set up isn’t your dream job, Gordon.
[WARREN BEGINS TO WALK AWAY]
GORDON
Hey! I’ve spent the last few weeks scared out of my mind. For both of us. And all of the time I’ve been trying to…manage you. You’re happy as Larry one minute, furious or upset the next. I’ve heard you scream in the night, I’ve heard you crying in the mornings. Do you think this is fun for me?
WARREN
Plenty of material for your archive, Gordon.
GORDON
I watched you run a scalpel through your own hand! And you barely flinched. I watch you over and over, you walk off to go back into that pod not knowing if you’re going to come back out again and there’s almost a spring in your step. It’s obviously affecting you. Look… you’ve lost weight, you’re pale as milk, you’re coughing up blood. Bryony treats you worse than a lab rat. I… I just don’t understand. Do you want…do you want to not make it out? Is that it?
WARREN
How’s your memoir coming along?
GORDON
What?
WARREN
Your memoir, the one I found in the car on the way here. Do you remember? What was it called?
GORDON
Why do you want to talk about that?
WARREN
What was it called?
GORDON
Warren –
WARREN
It was called ‘You Can’t Freeze a Soul - My Journey Into The Cryonic Void’. Would you care to elaborate on that choice of title?
GORDON
Warren, look, I never thought successful cryonic preservation could exist, I thought it was a joke science -
WARREN
I would love to hear your ruminations on the nature of my soul, Gordon. Or do you just think I don’t have one. Like every other nameless convict thrown on Overhead’s conveyor belt of horrors. Don’t tell me you don’t lean in when Bryony starts using those long words. Don’t tell me, that if the chips hadn’t fallen a little bit differently, I wouldn’t be just another tape for you to play to a different schmuck from Accounts in that fucking car park in the rain. If there is a spring in my step when I go into the cryosuite, it’s because when I get in that pod I go nowhere. I think of nothing. I simply am not. And every time I go in, I have that sliver of hope that if I do come out, the world might be a different place, and I might be a different person. It hasn’t happened yet, so yeah, sometimes, I am pretty disappointed when I come round. I’m sorry if that’s bummed you out a couple of times on the way for your morning slash.
[SILENCE]
Yeah, I’m done, do you want to storm off or shall I?
GORDON
You can go.
WARREN
No, no, you don’t like being down here on your own. You go.
GORDON
Okay.
[CUT]
[AUBREY MAKES HER WAY OUT OF HER END OF THE TUNNEL]
AUBREY
[elated yet exhausted] Oh thank God! Daylight! Sweet overcast freezing daylight! Right, right, so -
[SHE PULLS OUT HER PHONE]
That was 2 hours to get in, 1 hour 40 to get back, 17,464 steps. Jesus.
[SHE DRAGS HERSELF BACK TO THE VAN, PARKED AT THE MOUTH OF THE TUNNEL]
[SHE GETS IN, REMOVES HER JACKET AND HAT AND COLLAPSES INTO A SEAT]
Bloody hell. Right. It’s 15:30. I have the data. I’ll look at it now.
[SHE PAUSES]
Actually, I’m going to have a nap. And then I’ll look at it.
[CUT]
[QUIET IN THE VAN]
[SUDDENLY THE COMM BURSTS TO LIFE, WAKING AUBREY WITH A START]
GORDON
Aubrey? Aubrey?
AUBREY
Christ, what time is it…
[SHE LURCHES TO TURN ON A LIGHT, KNOCKING A WATER BOTTLE OVER WITH A CLATTER]
Shit. Hello? Gordon?
GORDON
You’re there.
AUBREY
Yes, I’m here. Sorry, I fell asleep. What time is it?
GORDON
It’s a little after midnight.
AUBREY
Midnight?! How the hell is it…bloody hell, I was more tired than I thought. Gordon, Gordon, I did it. I’ve got it. I’ve got the data.
GORDON
That’s brilliant Aubrey.
AUBREY
I haven’t looked yet. But I’m all over it. I’ve had my nights sleep already apparently. But the tunnel is almost completely safe, it’s a bit twisty and turny, and a bit dark and spooky, but it’s there, it runs straight into the reactor room. Or cave, or whatever it is. And there was your bloody baked bean tin! I sat and ate half that Bakewell tart on the spot. Thank you, Gordon. It must’ve been hard.
GORDON
Yeah.
AUBREY
Gordon, wha… what’s wrong?
GORDON
She put him back in again.
AUBREY
Oh, God.
GORDON
We got out of the tunnel. We’d had a falling out. I’m just trying to look out for him, Aubrey, he was coughing up blood. I should never have taken him down there, it was just because I was too bloody frightened to do it on my own…
AUBREY
What happened?
GORDON
She was waiting for us. At the entrance. Told us off like we were kids staying out too late. I tried to protest but they acted like I wasn’t even there, trying to stare each other out. And off they went. He’s already in the pod.
AUBREY
We’re going to do this, Gordon. We’re going to save him. Alright?
GORDON
Alright.
AUBREY
We can do this. You and me.
GORDON
Alright.
AUBREY
I mean, mainly me. But you can help.
GORDON
Thanks.
AUBREY
Well, I’m up now. You want to play cards or something?
[CUT]
AUBREY (FUTURE)
Stop.
GORD
Would you like me to play the next entry, Aubrey?
[A LONG PAUSE BEFORE AUBREY ANSWERS]
Would you like me to play the ne -
AUBREY
No.
GORD
Would you like to talk about your feelings?
AUBREY
No.
[ANOTHER PAUSE]
GORD
There’s a patch coming through from Hester.
AUBREY
Sure.
HESTER
Hey. How you doing?
AUBREY
It’s after 3, why are you awake?
HESTER
Do either of us really sleep any more?
AUBREY
Your shift’s at 7 though.
HESTER
How is he?
AUBREY
Warren Godby has been out for the count for the last 4 hours. I have been watching him snore for a very long time. Thank God the quarantine glass is so thick.
HESTER
How’d the evening go?
AUBREY
The same. Still confused. I thought it wouldn’t take this long for him to come round.
HESTER
Hey, don’t start that big brain going. We knew it was going to be a different emergence to any other. He’ll be fine. It’s just taking longer.
AUBREY
I know. I want you to sleep, okay?
HESTER
Okay.
AUBREY
See you in a bit.
HESTER
Goodnight.
[HESTER PATCHES OFF]
AUBREY
Alright, Warren. Visiting time is over. Time for cards with Gordon.
[AUBREY GETS UP FROM HER CHAIR WITH SOME EFFORT AND PULLS OPEN TO THE DOOR]
[SHE WALKS A SHORT DISTANCE DOWN AN ECHOEY CORRIDOR TO THE CRYOSUITE]
[A FINGERPRINT READER BEEPS]
[GORD’S VOICE IS ECHOEY IN THE CORRIDOR]
GORD
Fingerprint verified. Wood, Aubrey Jane. Cryosuite.
[THE DOOR OPENS WITH A HEAVY CLUNK]
AUBREY
Feels a bit much.
GORD
You’re responsible for setting up security, not me.
AUBREY
Good point.
[SHE STEPS FURTHER INTO THE ROOM – LITTLE BEEP BOOPS IN THE BACKGROUND]
This is weird.
GORD
Which part?
AUBREY
I haven’t been in here since I changed your voice. I’m looking at Gordon in his cryopod and talking to him at the same time.
GORD
You’re talking to a vir
AUBREY
Yes, I know. But you understand how that might be weird.
GORD
I appreciate the dichotomy.
[AUBREY SIGHS IRRITABLY AND WALKS AROUND THE POD TO ASSESS IT]
AUBREY
How are his readouts doing?
GORD
The self-diagnostics on Gordon’s cryopod repeat every 12 hours. Nothing has been outside of acceptable parameters.
AUBREY
And the generator, how’s the backup?
GORD
Grace carried out the monthly backup generator service on the 30th with no issues. This was in last week’s report.
AUBREY
Yes. Thank you.
[PAUSE]
[quietly] I know all the fuss is going on in Quarantine next door. I just don’t want you to think we’ve forgotten about you, Gordon.
[SHE PULLS A DECK OF PLAYING CARDS FROM HER POCKET]
Right. We’re going to play Bastard.
[GORD’S VOICE HAS REMAINED NEAR THE DOOR RATHER THAN COME CLOSER]
[HE RAISES HIS VOICE A LITTLE TO REACH HER]
GORD
Did you know that card game is also called Shithead?
AUBREY
Did you know that you are also called Shithead?
GORD
Would you like me to play the next entry, Aubrey?
AUBREY
You know me too well.