[A HIGH WIND]
[THERE IS SOME VEHICULAR COMMOTION IN THE BACKGROUND]
GORDON
Gordon Porlock, personal log. It is lunchtime on the 6th day, my 6th day at Red Valley. It is cold and it is raining, But I am smiling like it’s my birthday, because I am staring at a big black helicopter full of people I don’t like that is about to fly away. Inside the helicopter is Bryony Halbech, Clive Schill, Degracious Melé and Pamela Jennings, their latest henchmen. Well, henchman and henchwoman. Henchpeople. I mean, they’re actually extremely talented cryonic research doctors. But they’re very annoying and aren’t that nice to me, so cheerio.
[THE ENGINES AND PROPELLOR START UP SLOWLY, THE NOISE GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER]
GORDON
[raising his voice] Oh, marvellous. Here they go. Oh, this is quite loud isn’t it. Oh… and windy, very windy– oh shit–
[GORDON DROPS THE RECORDER]
[CUT]
GORDON
My first morning alone. It’s nice.
[A PAUSE AS HE ROLLS OVER IN BED, STARING AT THE WINDOW ABOVE HIS HEAD]
GORDON
Thought I should start making an effort at describing the place, now I’m settling in a little.
[CUT]
[GORDON PACES DOWN A CREAKING STAIRCASE INTO THE FARMHOUSE KITCHEN]
[HE RUNS A TAP AND BOILS A KETTLE AS HE TALKS]
GORDON
The farmhouse is twee and weird. Big old table, big old stove, plates on the wall… they’ve got stags on them, and foxes and… oh… Princess Diana…the living room has a big old television you could probably climb inside and chintzy armchairs like your nan would have. It is far and away the nicest place I have ever lived.
[CUT]
[AS GORDON WALKS OUTSIDE, HIS SHOES SLOSH THROUGH A MUD PATH]
[HE TALKS LOUDLY OVER WIND, BIRD NOISES AND RAIN]
GORDON
So, I’m just making my way from the house to the facility. It’s only a few hundred yards I suppose but… when it’s this kind of weather… well, it takes ages - oh! Oh, it shit on me! These gulls everywhere. Well I don’t know if it is a gull but… I should learn, there’s a shelf of manky old books about birdwatching in the toilet in the station. I’m going to learn about birds. And then I’ll fucking know who you are, you little pri -
[CUT]
[GORDON IS IN AN ECHOEY TOILET]
GORDON
For the record, it was a goose. A pink footed goose.
[HE FLUSHES]
[CUT]
GORDON
So, I guess I should talk about the station. Here’s the main corridor, where we first came in. The walls used to be white but are now yellow. There’s noticeboards everywhere with nothing on them, oh, however - there is a 1993 calendar from the TV show Gladiators which has been attached to one of the boards with a staple gun and had all the pages removed except the one with Jet on it. She remains the most beautiful woman to have ever starred on UK television and the only person to ever make me wonder if I did in fact fancy girls after all, so I see no reason to amend this.
[CUT]
GORDON
So, I’ve skipped the boring parts like the stripped out infirmary and thoroughly grim group shower situation, but! Here on the first floor is the… mess? Rec room? Nah… mess. There is a fussball, a pool table with 3 balls missing, and a jukebox like the one in my dad’s old snooker club when he worked for British Gas. That’s it for your regular everyday disused military base with attached farmhouse. But, I guess if we’re doing the full tour, we have to go… downstairs.
[CUT]
[GORDON REACHES THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS, INTO BRYONY’S UNDERGROUND LAB]
GORDON
Right. So here we are, the exact spot where Warren and I first bumped into Clive Schill and Bryony, who Warren thought was his wife Karen and… well, it was all very, very confusing and ghastly.
[A BEAT]
GORDON
So, what are we looking at. These corridors feel like I’m in a whole different place. Not at the edge of the world in a knackered old military station but like the basement of the FBI or something. It’s so…clean, and modern. It’s just…cold. In every sense. It’s not a welcoming place.
[CUT]
GORDON
[trying to be nonchalant] So…the cryosuite. Beyond this door is where the magic happens. Where Warren was placed into hypersleep. We can…go in there later.
[A BEAT]
[CUT]
[GORDON OPENS A DOOR AND PACES]
GORDON
This is the Records Room. My favourite room. I realised I knew the layout before I’d even walked around it - this is what was designed to be storage area of the Red Valley Seed Vault. The design that I helped work on! And everything has been stuffed in here. Everything ever documented at Red Valley. It’s utterly disorganised, all just thrown in boxes and stuffed on shelves. And it’s my job to go through it all, to archive it. And it’s not just records. There are actual items here, devices, prototypes, all under white sheets. Which is extremely exciting. Ah… This is my happy place.
[CUT]
GORDON
So, I’ve got all my kit set up. They sent everything I needed from my old flat. The tech here isn’t exactly state of the art but they gave me a brand new Blue Sky speaker. Overhead, still trying to wedge into the virtual assistant market. But, no one uses it outside the Overhead offices. Hey, Blue Sky.
[FROM ACROSS THE ROOM, A QUICK TINKLE OF THE OVERHEAD IDENT TONE]
BLUE SKY
Hello.
GORDON
How is the weather in New York City?
BLUE SKY
Hello.
GORDON
Hey, Blue Sky. How is the weather in New York City?
BLUE SKY
I didn’t catch that.
GORDON
Uh… Forget it, I was just testing it out -
BLUE SKY
Say, Hey Blue Sky -
GORDON
Hey, Blue Sky, I was just -
BLUE SKY
Did you know, you can just call me Blue?
[GORDON PAUSES TO CALM HIMSELF DOWN]
GORDON
Hey Blue. Let’s just be quiet now, yeah?
[A PAUSE, SILENCE]
GORDON
[lowering his voice] Okay. So, the computer is old, and the monitor is ugly, but it should at least be updated to the most recent OS -
[IT GRUNTS TO LIFE]
[FROM THE COMPUTER’S TINNY SPEAKER RIGHT BY GORDON, THE IDENT TONE PLAYS AGAIN BUT A FULLER, SUPER CHEESY VERSION]
COMPUTER
Blue skies…Overhead.
GORDON
Oh man.
BLUE SKY
It looks like you’ve activated an Overhead docu-station. To connect your Blue Sky speaker to your docu-station just open your Connect Me portal -
GORDON
Hey Blue. Turn yourself off please. This is my happy place.
[THE IDENT TINKLE]
[SILENCE AGAIN]
GORDON
Okay. So, I’m going to get cracking with this. And Bryony said archive everything so that’s what I’m going to do. Actually, I’ve already found the box of audio logs from the last cohort of test subjects. Warren’s cohort. That’s as good a place to start as any I suppose. So…
[GORDON ROOTS THROUGH A BOX OF TAPES]
GORDON
As a bit of a tease for what’s to come, why don’t we start with ‘Godby Log #1’. This is exciting. This is Warren before I knew him. When he was here. As an ex-convict. Here we go.
[GORDON HITS PLAY]
[A SCRUFFY RECORDING, SOMEONE WHO’S NEVER USED A DICTAPHONE BEFORE]
WARREN
Hello, hello, erm… Okay… I’ve… I’ve been asked by lady in charge Dr Halbech to record an audio diary. Uh, for some reason. So, I don’t really know what what this is, umm… My name’s… umm… ooh… I didn’t ask if we were supposed to use names on this so I won’t. It’s my first night at the the Overhead place in Scotland. It’s cold there are horrible midge things everywhere. Umm, er… It’s…nicer than prison, I guess. Okay… Good… Goodnight.
GORDON
Oh. That’s it. Right. Well… er, tune in next time for more from Gordon Porlock… Red Valley Caretaker.
[A BEAT]
GORDON
Nah, nah that was shit. Gordon Porlock, Red Valley…Watchman, watch…keeper. Ugh. I need a thesaurus. And a wee.