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[FOOTSTEPS PACING]
BRYONY
Are you recording this as well?
GORDON
Oh, um, yeah, if that’s okay -
BRYONY
Yes, it’s fine. Can you carry this?
GORDON
Oh, sure, sure. Bryony, is it just you?
BRYONY
Yes.
GORDON
Oh right, I just thought – well, maybe it was time -
BRYONY
It is time. Grace and Pamela are following on tomorrow.
GORDON
Oh, ah, great! So, we… I mean y… - you’re going to - to wake him up -
BRYONY
If he’s still in one solid piece, yes, that’s the plan.
GORDON
Great.
BRYONY
Is my room made up?
GORDON
The quarters in the base, yes, unless you’d like the farmhouse -
BRYONY
Are you still staying in the farmhouse?
GORDON
Um, yes -
BRYONY
My quarters will be fine.
[THEY WALK IN SILENCE FOR A TIME]
So. How have you been?
GORDON
Um. Fine. Had a lot to learn, and a lot of time to thi -
BRYONY
Everything’s up and running I assume.
GORDON
Yes, yes, yes, I have a rota I made, making sure I go through each area systematically every other day.
BRYONY
And the archiving? How is that going?
GORDON
It’s a mammoth task, there’s so much and it’s so disorganised, every time I think I’ve found a starting point something else terrifying and horrible pops up! I mean, fascinating. Fascinating and ve -
BRYONY
I’m sure a lot of it is terrifying and horrible to the uninitiated, Gordon. However, you are initiated, aren’t you?
GORDON
I suppose I am.
BRYONY
So, you’re not having any problems with it? The suffering and the viscera and the blood and so on?
GORDON
No. No.
[BRYONY COMES TO A STOP]
BRYONY
Excellent. Look, you’ve been working hard and I’ve had a long trip so I thought we might do something fun tonight.
GORDON
I’m sorry?
BRYONY
Fun. Something I think you’ll enjoy.
GORDON
Oh, umm. Sure?
BRYONY
Great. I’m going to unpack and get changed and I’ll see you in the cryosuite at 7, shall I?
GORDON
The cryosuite?
[BRYONY WALKS AWAY]
BRYONY
[calling back to him] Wear something comfortable.
GORDON
Oh.
BRYONY
And then just leave it there, you’ll need your hands.
GORDON
Okay, yep.
BRYONY
Blue Sky, are you recording this?
[THE TINKLE OF THE BLUE SKY IDENT]
BLUE SKY
Recording.
BRYONY
Good. Help me with this. It’ll need a bit of welly.
[SOME SHUFFLING AND THE CLANGING OF METAL LATCHES BEING RELEASED]
Right. I think we’re ready.
GORDON
Sorry, I… erm… what’s…what are we doing?
BRYONY
Do you know the name Lord Conrad Havershire? Of course you don’t. He was the founder of the Havershire dairy empire in Devon and Cornwall. Mainly famed for yoghurt. The Yoghurt Lord of the south west.
GORDON
Right.
BRYONY
Anyway, in his later years he cultivated a handsome tumour the size of a cherry in his temporal lobe and promptly made arrangements with an American cryonics company called Cold State, a ghastly name, no wonder it didn’t last. Cold State was hoovered up by Wheelhouse, and was absorbed into Overhead in 1998. And so Overhead took responsibility for Cold State’s remaining residents, including the Yoghurt Lord.
GORDON
And he’s in here.
BRYONY
Shrewdly observed.
GORDON
But we can’t just…open him up… surely we have to…there must be processes, you need your team…
BRYONY
We’re not waking him up, Gordon.
GORDON
We’re not?
BRYONY
He’s very dead.
GORDON
But you’ll be exposing him to the elements, you’ll compromise his cryostatic field…
[A CREAK AND SNAPPING OF CRUSTED ICE AS BRYONY LIFTS THE LID ON THE POD]
Or not, that’s fine I suppose.
BRYONY
You’ll not have heard of the Havershire dairy empire in recent years because Conrad Havershire was simultaneously one of the world’s leading optimists and narcissistic bastards. So convinced was he that medical breakthroughs that could return him to health and prosperity were just around the corner, he had his mind and body cryonically frozen after his demise and refused to name an heir to his company and fortune. Obviously, that sat rather poorly with both his shareholders and customers, and the company duly tanked. I believe they still make rocket lollies.
GORDON
Okay.
BRYONY
Jeremy Havershire is the long-suffering eldest son of Lord Conrad and as you might imagine has grown somewhat… impatient for his father’s resurrection. He approached us recently after his lawyers spotted a little addendum to Conrad’s contract with Cold State - that every 15 years the company was obliged to carry out a checkup. To make sure the body was still perfectly preserved and that nothing had gone wrong with the storage process. The date of that 15-year checkup is?
GORDON
Today.
BRYONY
Correct.
GORDON
But… I’ve read how you would survey a cryonic patient’s body, they would need to be constantly immersed in liquid nitrogen-
BRYONY
[overlapping] Yes, yes, yes.
GORDON
-While you exposed parts of the body for the absolute minimum time necessary, we’ve just exposed his whole body, we’ve increased the risk of crystallisation on the re-freeze by an unacceptable amount -
BRYONY
Gordon, your study is admirable but your concern is quite misplaced. His son has paid my department a considerable amount to ensure the results of this analysis are…decisive.
GORDON
You’re killing him?
BRYONY
Gordon.
GORDON
No, I know, he’s dead, but… any chance in the future that…
BRYONY
Let’s disabuse ourselves of some notions regarding cryonic preservation, and far more relevantly, death. Here’s the thing about death. It’s death. You can read every clickbait fluff piece from New Scientist about the incremental stages of it, cell death, brain death, and how we might slow those down; theories of how you could one day stop them altogether. Some of them might even make some sense. But not to the Yoghurt Lord. He had a grade 4 inoperable hand grenade go off in his head the same year Last of the Mohicans came out and the process he paid so much for… left quite a bit to be desired. Look at his eyes. Go on.
GORDON
Oh, they’re…not even closed…
BRYONY
You can see the buildup of ice on his corneas. They’re done. Look at his skin.
GORDON
Oh! Crumbs.
BRYONY
Crumbs, flakes, chips, lumps. Uh… He’s a mess. But go back to the tumour. The mind-and-body destroying cancer. We have to keep him immaculately preserved, bring him back to life, cure cancer, and then? Rebuild his rotten brain? His spine, his nervous system, everything else that turned black and killed him? You might as well try to rebuild a tree after you’ve lit a bonfire from its branches. It’s farce. I can’t see the future. But I can tell you this - every person that has so far been cryonically preserved is never, ever, ever coming back in any form whatsoever. They’re just a higher class of dead. Premium dead, if you will. And they’ll be premium dead forever.
GORDON
Except for Warren.
BRYONY
Except for Warren. Would you like to cut his head off?
GORDON
I’m sorry?
[BRYONY PRODUCES A CIRCULAR BONE SAW]
[WITH A SWITCH IT WHIRRS TO LOUD, VIOLENT LIFE FOR A SHORT MOMENT]
BRYONY
Well, not his whole head. I never like to waste an opportunity to look at someone’s brain and Jeremy Haverhshire seems to harbour a medieval resentment for old Conrad so he made a request for a little piece of evidence. Not his whole head of course, just the brain. So, would you like to help me scalp him? Trepan him, maybe. Let’s see what bad spirits come out, shall we?
GORDON
Um…
BRYONY
You can’t hurt him, Gordon. He was dead before Tom Hanks won his first Oscar. And by all accounts an utter prick. The saw is fun.
GORDON
O-kay.
BRYONY
Just…there.
[THE SAW REVS TO LIFE]
[THE SAW IS OFF]
[THE SOUND OF METAL INSTRUMENTS ON A COUNTER AND SOME SQUISHY SOUNDS OF THOSE INSTRUMENTS ON TISSUE]
And there’s an ice crystal.
GORDON
Oh yeah.
BRYONY
You can reach it with those forceps. There.
GORDON
Ack. Oop.
BRYONY
Slippery, aren’t they?
GORDON
Oop.
BRYONY
Automatic lock in. You won’t make it to the crystal dome.
GORDON
Aha!
BRYONY
Success!
GORDON
Yeah. Oh… A bit of a puddle forming now isn’t there.
BRYONY
Yes. It thaws quicker than you might expect.
[A PAUSE AS SHE CONSIDERS GORDON CONSIDERING THE BRAIN]
Not everyone can look at a real human brain, much less dissect one. It’s why we’re out here in the middle of nowhere. Why so many great discoveries are made in rooms without windows. Because of everyone else’s ‘boundaries.’
[SHE DISCARDS HER GLOVES AND MOVES AWAY TO A NEARBY SINK TO WASH HER HANDS]
It’s why Clive and I differ so much on how to use the technology once I’ve perfected it. He would wrap it in a bow and present it to the elites, sell it as a luxury, the ultimate lifestyle choice.
GORDON
Do You Want To Continue.
BRYONY
But people won’t buy it. Because people can’t take it. If they could we wouldn’t be sent to the edge of the world, we’d be at Overhead New York in a glistening research resort designed by Norman Foster.
[SHE PACES THE ROOM]
You have to be gentle. That’s why I want it introduced through the penal system. Revolutionise the incarceration process. Save an industry billions, and the tech is proven as economically viable. That viability is crucial of course but not where the true value lies. It’s acceptance that we need. Start at the bottom of the societal ladder and you’ll catch everyone on the way up. Once the technology is commonplace it’ll take on a life of its own, everyone will want their piece. Clive will get his luxury hypersleep cryopod range with tinted glass and go faster stripes and can take all the glory he wants, I don’t care.
GORDON
You don’t want the glory?
BRYONY
People like us will be the only the place we’re welcome. Back in the basement.
[SILENCE]
Ah. You still object to the ‘us’, don’t you?
GORDON
You…and Clive and whoever else…you’re killing people…
BRYONY
Speak up, Gordon.
GORDON
People are dying in this place.
BRYONY
No, you said ‘you’re killing people’. And you’re right, yes I am. I’m killing people. Everyone who has died in this facility on my watch has had the situation and the risks explained to them in explicit detail. And they consented.
GORDON
I know, I’ve listened to the tapes, that’s because they were criminals carrying out enormous sentences and you offered them things you surely couldn’t deliver, pardons, appeals, early release, if the experiments were successful. You went to the hopeless and the desperate -
BRYONY
And the evil, and the sadistic and malicious -
GORDON
And the mentally unwell or incapacitated or disadvantaged. You knew the likely outcome -
BRYONY
And the homicidal, and the deviant, and the disgusting and despicable.
GORDON
And where was Warren? On that list?
BRYONY
You’ve seen his record, you must’ve seen everything we have on him. What do you think?
[PAUSE]
You haven’t, have you?
GORDON
I didn’t think it was right to look when he doesn’t seem to know himself.
BRYONY
Or because you were scared of what you might see? What you might learn about your friend?
GORDON
What do you want me to do with this guy’s brain?
BRYONY
What’s that Godby family motto that’s been floating around these tapes? ‘You should only do what you know you can live with’. What a bizarre concept. How on Earth would anyone find out what they’re capable of if they only did what made them comfortable?
GORDON
It’s about living to a code.
BRYONY
You just cut a man’s head in two with a buzzsaw and spooned out his mind, if you’d known that this morning how would that have sat with your code?
GORDON
I…I don’t know…
BRYONY
You just did something extraordinary. Something you never would’ve done of your own volition. All you needed was the push. Yes, we’re in an ugly place doing ugly work but we’re creating something. Something real, something worthwhile. I think you know that and all I’m trying to tell you is that that’s okay. That there is a place for the Gordon Porlocks of this world. And you managed to find it.
[PAUSE]
GORDON
There’s a pretty big difference between performing an autopsy on a cadaver and the things you’ve done. You must see that.
BRYONY
Is that what you believe or what you’ve been told to believe?
GORDON
I don’t even know what that means. So, I should only listen to you?
BRYONY
No, Gordon. The worst thing about Red Valley is also the best. Here, the only person you have to listen to is yourself. There’s nobody else around.
GORDON
You should do a TED talk. Did this work on Grace and Pamela? And Aubrey Wood, and Ben Thomas?
[BRYONY’S TONE CHANGES]
[SHE HASN’T WON HIM OVER THE WAY SHE USUALLY DOES WITH SUBORDINATES]
BRYONY
For the most part. Well then. Let’s do another, shall we?
[BRYONY STEPS A FEW PACES ACROSS THE ROOM TO ANOTHER CAPSULE]
GORDON
I think I’m done for the night.
BRYONY
I insist.
[HISSING AND THE SOUND OF METAL ON METAL AND SHE BEGINS REMOVING THE CLAMPS AND SEALS ON THIS POD]
GORDON
No really, I -
BRYONY
Just a peek, then.
[WITH A WRENCH AND A GRUNT OF EFFORT SHE LIFTS THE LID OFF HERSELF]
[GORDON STEPS BACK AND CLATTERS INTO THE INSTRUMENT TROLLEY]
GORDON
[in horror] Oh… Jesus Christ.
BRYONY
Yes, funny you should mention Ben Thomas. You may remember him from such incidents as ‘it’s on the floor oh God it’s in my shoes’, general lechery and ultimately the misguided breaking of certain contractual agreements. Did you ever meet him face to face?
GORDON
Did - I?
BRYONY
In your years of skullduggery around the basements of Overhead. Ben must have been one of your greatest sources.
GORDON
I… I never met - anyone – I… I found everything myself -
BRYONY
In places where they were left to be found, Gordon. I just wondered if either of them ever reached out personally.
GORDON
Either of them?
[A COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS, THE CLUNK OF SOMETHING HEAVY BEING LIFTED]
[THE ROAR OF THE BUZZSAW, FOR JUST A MOMENT]
BRYONY
Where is Aubrey Wood?
GORDON
I… I don’t know!
BRYONY
Calm down, you knew we would ask where you got all your information at some point. It wasn’t all from a Buzzfeed article I assume.
[THE SAW AGAIN]
GORDON
I’ve never met her, or him, I only know what they look like cos I saw CCTV footage, everything was anonymous, we used aliases, it was all online or things left for me in storage units -
[THE SAW DIES OFF]
BRYONY
Yes, I thought as much. You see, the board of directors live in cheerful ignorance of what happens at Red Valley, and they go to great measures to make sure the rest of the world is just as blissfully unaware. Given the chance I would’ve liked to ask Ben here what he did with all our information, what his intentions were, but it was Clive who found him in the end. It was a short exchange I hear. He thought I could make some use of him though. What do you think Porlock? Has he been useful?
GORDON
Yes.
BRYONY
Oh good. I cannot abide waste.
[PAUSE]
Blue Sky, what’s the time?
BLUE SKY
The time is 12.17, am.
BRYONY
It is late I suppose. Off you go.
GORDON
Thank you.
[GORDON QUICKLY WALKS AWAY, COLLECTING HIS RECORDER AS HE GOES]
BRYONY
[calling back to him] No one is useless Gordon. They just need to find their place.
[IN THE DISTANCE, BRYONY PICKS UP THE SAW, ACTIVATES IT AND BEGINS TO WORK ON BEN THOMAS’ FROZEN SKULL]
GORDON
Hi Pam -
PAMELA
Gordon - stand behind the door, unless you want your sperm to be vaporised.
GRACE
Doubt there’s much to risk there.
PAMELA
Screening.
[A SMALL WOMP AS A SCAN PASSES THROUGH THE POD]
[A HEAVY PIECE OF MACHINERY IS WHEELED BACKWARDS AWAY FROM IT]
PAMELA
Okay, I’m saving that. Dumping the rest. You can come in now.
GORDON
Oh… Sorry. Morning. I made teas and coffees. There’s biscuits too, I know it’s early but, big day and everyth -
[HE SETS DOWN A TRAY NEARBY]
[GRACE CALLS FROM ACROSS THE ROOM, HAVING NOT HEARD A WORD]
GRACE
There’s a dirty filter light flashing on the wall over there. Is everything okay with the ventilation in here?
GORDON
Oh… Um… I… I think so.
GRACE
Then why is it flashing?
GORDON
Oh no, I’m not - that’s not my -
GRACE
Well, go and look.
PAMELA
It’s not his job Grace, he wouldn’t know what he was looking at.
GRACE
He’s a caretaker. He is supposed to take care.
PAMELA
Thank you for the coffee, Gordon.
GRACE
Is it fresh or instant?
GORDON
It’s instant.
GRACE
I brought fresh with me, it’s on the counter in the kitchen, go and make some up, please.
PAMELA
He’s not your bloody manservant!
GRACE
He’s like Igor from the Frankenstein book. I bet he swings an oil lamp around these corridors at night talking to himself.
GORDON
Igor isn’t in the book.
GRACE
What did you say to me?
GORDON
Igor. He was invented for the film adaptations, he wasn’t in the novel.
GRACE
Are you stupid? Why don’t you spend less time talking shit about monster books and more time making my fucking coffee? Igor?
GORDON
You know he’s recording this right?
GRACE
[alarmed] You’re not, are you?
[GORDON PICKS UP HIS DICTAPHONE TO SHOW HIM]
GORDON
Yeah!
GRACE
Why didn’t you tell me?
PAMELA
That’s literally his job? Bryony asked him to do it!
GRACE
But I didn’t think he would be recording already!
PAMELA
We’re in the middle of Emergence Prep, if anything he’s late! If you’re worried about sounding like an idiot on record, there’s an easy way to solve it isn’t there!
GRACE
It’s like working under the bloody Stasi.
PAMELA
Well now that’s on the tape as well isn’t it!
BRYONY
Morning everyone.
GRACE & PAMELA
[slightly fearful] Morning Dr Halbech.
BRYONY
Ah you made drinks. How kind of you.
[SHE POURS HERSELF A DRINK AND FIDDLES WITH MILK AND SUGAR]
GORDON
Have you been to bed?
BRYONY
No, there’s always too much to do before an emergence. Particularly one that might actually work. Aubrey Wood said something in one of her incredibly earnest diaries, didn’t she - how can you sleep when all you’re thinking about is waking someone up? Pam, where’s the Echo?
PAMELA
Echo or ECMO?
BRYONY
Echo. The T.O.E. The ECMO is right in front of me. It’s 4 feet long and nearly as big as the suitcase you brought with you this morning, it would be disturbing if I couldn’t see that, wouldn’t it?
PAMELA
I didn’t think we needed it now…
BRYONY
I want it checked and set up now.
PAMELA
Yes, Dr Halbech.
BRYONY
Thank you Dr Jennings. Grace.
GRACE
Ah… Yes?
BRYONY
Do you have the readout? From the particle generator?
GRACE
Oh, I thought you were happy with the last results -
BRYONY
I was. I’d like to maintain that happiness with a current readout.
GRACE
Uh - yes. I can - yes.
[PAMELA WHEELS IN THE ECHO MACHINE]
BRYONY
We’re working on the first successfully revived subject of cryonic preservation, I’m not the head chef at the local carvery and grill.
GRACE & PAMELA
Yes, Dr Halbech.
BRYONY
Yes, chef.
[BRYONY SIPS HER DRINK]
I can feel your questions radiating through your cardigan.
GORDON
What’s a particle generator do?
BRYONY
We have to infuse each of Warren’s IV lines with nano particles. It’s what I spent most of the night doing actually.
GORDON
What on earth do nano particles do?
BRYONY
Once we activate the particle generator a magnetic field will be created within the cryopod and the particles will start to warm up. And eventually we’ll have a nice warm human marinading in a fine cryonic jus.
GORDON
Does it get boring putting ‘cryo’ in front of everything you invent?
BRYONY
Like you wouldn’t cryobelieve.
GORDON
What’s an ECMO do?
BRYONY
Reoxygenate the body.
GORDON
What’s a T.O.E.?
BRYONY
A probe that goes down the oesophagus to map the heart.
GORDON
What’s that in the corner?
BRYONY
That’s a dehumidifier, there’s damp on the ceiling. Are we going to go round the room pointing at everything you don’t understand?
GORDON
Oh no… That’s probably fine for now. Thanks.
BRYONY
What do you think of them? Grace and Pam?
GORDON
Oh, Um. They seem very…slick.
BRYONY
Not my choice. Either of them. Clive picked them, with his vast knowledge of cryonic biology and emergency medicine. Rather more…aesthetic choices, both of them.
GORDON
Aesthetic?
BRYONY
Degracious Melé has a name like a finishing move in Street Fighter, he’s very tall, he’s very young, he looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. Pamela Jennings has two PhDs and looks like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They are adequate in their fields but not exceptional. Clive believes the hard work is over and he wants the right faces to get on the front of Time magazine.
[to to the room] And how do I feel about Time magazine, everyone?
GRACE
You do not care for it.
PAMELA
Print media is basically dead anyway.
BRYONY
Yes chef, yes chef.
[SHE PUTS DOWN HER DRINK]
This is making you uncomfortable isn’t it, Gordon.
GORDON
Everything here makes me uncomfortable.
BRYONY
Keep telling yourself that, champ.
[BRYONY STEPS FORWARD TO ADDRESS THE ROOM AGAIN]
Right, everyone. It’s the day you’ve all been waiting for. Before we push the big red button, I’d like to thank you all for your hard work so far. You’re all committed, and whatever else might be said about any of you, commitment is the attribute I require the most. You may think due to our previous success that our subject’s survival is somehow more of a sure thing. Let’s remind ourselves of the mortality rate up until this point. It’s 100%. Do we know for certain exactly why Warren Godby is the only survivor of our treatment? We do not. So, whatever we scoop out of that pod, alive or dead, the work is just beginning. That said, there is champagne in the fridge, and we will be drinking it tonight whatever happens, I’m not a monster.
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
Alright beautiful people. And you Gordon. Get to your places, final checks. Particle generator?
GRACE
Check.
BRYONY
ECMO?
PAMELA
Check.
BRYONY
Resus?
PAMELA
Check.
BRYONY
Transfer?
GRACE
Check.
BRYONY
Okay.
[BRYONY PACES ROUND TO THE CONTROL PANEL OF THE PARTICLE GENERATOR]
[SHE FLICKS ONE BIG SWITCH]
[A BEEP, AND A DEEP MECHANICAL CHUGGING AS THE MACHINE COMES TO LIFE]
Hot… dog.
[SHE FLICKS A SECOND SWITCH]
[A DIFFERENT BEEP, AND A LOW HUM SOUNDS, SLOWLY BUILDING IN PITCH AND VOLUME]
[THE CHUGGING BEGINS TO ACCELERATE]
Jumping frog.
[A FINAL SWITCH]
[A SUPER GOOD SCI FI NOISE ADDS TO THE MIX]
Albuquerque.
[CUT]
AUBREY
Stop.
GORD
Would you like me to play the next entry, Aubrey?
[AUBREY PAUSES FOR A MOMENT, DEEP IN THOUGHT]
AUBREY
I remember that. She would say that a lot, the Albuquerque line. It was probably the most human thing I ever witnessed her doing.
GORD
Would you like me to play the next entry, Aubrey?
AUBREY
It’s surprising. To get that on record, her facade coming down like that, even… even just a little. I only saw it once or twice. And never for long. But she just couldn’t help herself. Under all the cloaks and daggers and bluster and putdowns, she couldn’t hide her excitement about the work. It was magnetic. I wanted to be like her.
GORD
Well, you are also waking Warren Godby from hypersleep.
AUBREY
Yeah, thank you Gord. We’ll stop drawing comparisons there, shall we?
GORD
Her reasons for waking him could not be further from your intentions. You want to help him.
AUBREY
Well, that’s…that’s a kind thing for you to say.
GORD
It’s nice to be nice.
AUBREY
What’s everyone done today. Is it still today? Or is it tomorrow?
GORD
You’d like a progress report?
AUBREY
Yes.
GORD
Vig and Robyn have completed and logged the supply inventory. Hester worked beyond the end of her shift on the ward due to Jacob having a disagreement with Malcolm. Malcolm required sedation.
AUBREY
Shit, really?
GORD
And Jade has been putting together a playlist for her party.
AUBREY
She’s really going through with it.
GORD
Grace has been carrying on with -
[A TONE FROM HIS UNIT]
Incoming from the Quarantine Suite. Patching.
[HESTER IS CALLING THROUGH THE BLUE SKY SYSTEM]
[THERE IS SOME COMMOTION IN THE BACKGROUND]
HESTER
Hey, are you still up?
AUBREY
I’m here, Hester.
HESTER
Of course, you are. Well, if you insist on living nocturnally, could you at least come down here and help me. Warren’s pulled out his drip again.
AUBREY
Put another one in.
HESTER
I had actually thought of that sir, he hasn’t got any bloody veins left. No, don’t, Stevie watch out, he’s going to pull out - yep. Well, that’s what happens. Put some gloves on next time.
[WARREN GRUNTS IN PAIN WHILE ANOTHER MAN MISERABLY CURSES GETTING COVERED IN URINE]
AUBREY
He pulled out his catheter again didn’t he.
HESTER
You’re going to be able to kick a football down his urethra if he carries on like this.
AUBREY
I’ll be there in a sec.
[THE TONE SIGNALS THE END OF THE CONVERSATION]
Gord, you’re meant to be in all places at all times, why didn’t you tell me they were struggling down there?
GORD
You were having a valuable moment of reflection.
AUBREY
I swear to God, people only ever pull out their own IV lines cos they see people do it in movies. It’s so annoying.
GORD
Is that why he pulls out his catheter?
AUBREY
Shut up.
GORD
I can find no motion pictures that feature the forced removal of catheters?
AUBREY
Shut up!