Minor Heroics
GORDON
Aubrey this is dumb, this is dumb, this is so dumb -
AUBREY
You said yourself we needed a plan. It’s just happening now. It was never going to be as simple as walking out the front door. We’re going out the tunnel. It’ll be like the Shawshank Redemption.
GORDON
The guy in The Shawshank Redemption planned his escape for like 30 years! We’ve cobbled this together in 30 minutes!
AUBREY
I can assure you I’ve been thinking about returning to Red Valley for a lot longer than that. Where are you?
GORDON
I’m in the Records Room. Bryony wanted me archiving the project so far. Where are you?
AUBREY
I’m still in my van. I’m just finishing up.
GORDON
What are you finishing up?
[THERE IS THE BANGING OF ITEMS ON AUBREY’S END]
AUBREY
Just… just some essentials.
[SOMETHING PINGS IN THE BACKGROUND]
GORDON
Are you… are you baking?
AUBREY
In a way.
GORDON
Well, when you’ve finished your creme diplomat do you fancy getting a move on? I don’t know how much longer they’re going to be. They could be back any moment.
AUBREY
Okay. Tunnel door, midnight. You and Warren, don’t worry about anything else. I’ll take care of it.
GORDON
Except Waffles.
AUBREY
Well of course worry about Waffles. Just put her in a Tupperware or something.
[CUT]
[THE HELICOPTER WHIRS AS THEY RETURN FROM GLASGOW]
CLIVE
Anyone want a top up?
[THE CLINK OF CLIVE REFILLING HIS OWN WINE GLASS]
Don’t make me drink alone guys. Warren, you’ve had 3 pints already, you should be in the zone. Let’s celebrate!
WARREN
No, thanks Clive, you’re alright.
CLIVE
Jeez. You’re still hung up on the whole being a secret murderer, aren’t you? Let it go, as my daughter sings to me at 5 in the morning. You did great tonight! You didn’t fuck up once!
[AN AWKWARD SILENCE]
Bryony. Let’s have a drink. To old times.
BRYONY
I’ve had quite enough of that piss Shiraz thank you, you’re doing a fine job of toasting your own cock with it all by yourself.
CLIVE
Bryony, come on. This is an occupational hazard. The axe could’ve swung just as easily towards me. I mean, who knows how the great minds of Overhead truly work.
BRYONY
Yes. Who could have ever dreamed it would work out like this.
CLIVE
You’ll be fine. I’m sure Currys PC World always need a new refrigerator technician.
[SILENCE]
Bloody hell, Bryony, I’m joking. I’m joking. Someone of your talents? Got Amos Tech, Jinx Industries, you’ll be able to walk straight through the door. Or down the hatch, or through the airlock, or whatever weird little cellar you end up in. You just don’t get to take Warren with you. It’s not like you were terribly fond of him anyway, was it. You hear that, Warren? I’m your wife now.
BRYONY
I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.
CLIVE
To us.
[CLIVE TAKES A BIG DRINK]
[ANOTHER AWKWARD PAUSE]
Pretty wild that they played that recording from the station. Where did they get that from?
BRYONY
The recording of Warren losing his mind that cost me my job but seemed to secure yours?
CLIVE
Yeah. Warren? Got any ideas, mate?
WARREN
Bryony’s the one who likes everything recorded.
CLIVE
Bloody hell, savage observations from Mr Godby.
BRYONY
Yes. How poetic. I wonder how it could have happened.
CLIVE
I mean it really wasn’t smart of you Bryony. The Board know all my big talk is exactly that. It’s talk. But you start making shit up, you threatening to get a gun from your safe and shoot him like you’re a Peaky Blinder…It don’t work coming from the likes of you.
BRYONY
I guess I got carried away.
CLIVE
We’ll get to the bottom of it. I’ll wave a fire extinguisher around a bit later, pull some vintage Clivisms out of the closet, we’ll get the truth out. Maybe the glamorous assistants aren’t so sweet and innocent after all. Maybe time for some changes in the lineup round here.
BRYONY
You’re probably right. Always good to have some new blood.
[WARREN SNIFFS LOUDLY]
CLIVE
Oh Warren, watch out mate, your nose is going off again. Head back, watch the shirt. You look like you’ve been in a fight. Here’s a tissue.
WARREN
Sorry. Sorry Clive.
[CLIVE DABS AT WARREN’S NOSE LIKE A FATHER TO A CHILD]
CLIVE
Fucking mad isn’t it. All the bodies we burned through to get to this point and this plum ended up being the Jellicle Choice.
[CUT]
[THE HELICOPTER HAS LANDED, THE ENGINE WINDING DOWN]
[THEIR VOICES ARE RAISED AS THEY WALK AWAY FROM THE NOISE, LOWERING TO NORMAL AS THEY REACH THE STATION]
WARREN
Are we going down to the lab now?
CLIVE
One track mind, haven’t you? Blimey. Straight to hyperbed with this one.
[THEY REACH THE STATION DOOR AND CLIVE PULLS IT OPEN]
[THEY STEP INSIDE AND BEGIN STRIDING DOWN THE CORRIDOR]
So how do you want to do this? The Decommission Team will be a couple of hours, I guess.
BRYONY
I suppose you want me to assemble all my work and hand it over to you.
CLIVE
Hey, I don’t make the rules. I just threaten people until they follow them.
[BRYONY TURNS ON HER COMM]
BRYONY
Grace? Pamela, where are you?
GRACE
Hello, hello. We’re here. We’re all ready.
BRYONY
What do you mean?
GRACE
We’re all set up. For Warren.
BRYONY
You’ve taken the Hartshorn out of containment?
GRACE
Yes, yes, yes. It’s all ready.
BRYONY
I didn’t ask you to do that, did I?
GRACE
Um… No, I thought you’d want -
BRYONY
It’s fine. I’ll be along shortly. Grace, I need you to collect all the hard copies of any data you and Pamela have produced since Warren emerged -
CLIVE
Kontinued.
BRYONY
So sorry. Since Warren ‘Kontinued’. Be a good boy now.
GRACE
Uh, right now? There’s a lot I need to be prepari -
BRYONY
Just fucking get on with it.
CLIVE
Are you okay Dr Halbech? Not bottling anything up, are we?
BRYONY
Clive there’s a selection of files you’re going to want in the office up here. I need to get Warren down to the lab so the minions can start to put him under before he drops dead in front of us. So, can you make a start gathering the paperwork? That isn’t too much of an ask, I hope?
CLIVE
No, happy to help. Hot to trot. Bryony, genuinely…no hard feelings, yeah?
BRYONY
Clive, you can rest easy knowing after tonight I will never think about you again. Come along Warren.
WARREN
Sure. Bye Clive.
CLIVE
Sweet dreams, cockchops.
[CUT]
[GORDON, IN THE RECORDS ROOM – HE NERVOUSLY MUTTERS TO WAFFLES]
GORDON
Hey Waffles. We’re just going to keep you in here for a bit so you’re ready to go. Look, there’s kitchen roll and lettuce, all your favourites. This was an ice cream tub. I haven’t got any ice cream for you but, what’s this? It’s a Top Trump card. From the Lord of the Rings. It’s a… wait who’s that…Gamling. Who the hell was Gamling? Mad beard. You can eat this one. There you go.
[THE COMM CRACKLES]
GRACE
Why does she want this data now?
PAMELA
How should I know?
[GORDON PICKS UP HIS COMM]
GORDON
Oo… Um, she asked me to assemble the data in the archive too.
GRACE
Something has happened. Something is going on.
GORDON
Oh, no, no, I’m sure it’s nothing. Just showing the big bosses all the great work you’re doing.
PAMELA
When did you go Team Overhead?
GORDON
Oh, I’m not. It’s just nothing to worry about, I’m sure.
[A PAUSE AS GRACE MAKES HIS WAY DOWN THE CORRIDOR]
GRACE
Why are the lights out down here?
PAMELA
Where?
GRACE
The door to the tunnel is open.
PAMELA
What?
GRACE
The tunnel door. Why would it be open?
GORDON
Oh, a yeah um, that would’ve been me. Sorry. Warren and I went for an explore not long ago.
GRACE
Where does it go?
PAMELA
It’s empty, doesn’t go anywhere. Stop screwing around, get the stuff she wanted and get back here, I’m doing this all by myself.
[IN THE BACKGROUND A THREATENING ELECTRIC TONE BUILDING UP OVER A COUPLE OF SECONDS, THEN THE BANG OF A COMM HITTING THE FLOOR AND THEN STATIC]
Grace? Grace?
[STATIC]
Gordon, what is going on?
GORDON
Some of the comms have been glitching. I think it’s the charging unit, they don’t all sync up properly, look leave it with me. He’ll be back in a minute, I’ll get him a new one.
PAMELA
Whatever.
[GORDON FRANTICALLY SWITCHES TO AUBREY’S CHANNEL]
GORDON
Aubrey? Aubrey! What the fuck is going on? Are you here?
[CUT]
[INCIDENTAL MUSIC]
[GRACE HAS BACKED INTO THE WALL OF THE TUNNEL AND SLID DOWN IT A LITTLE AFTER BEING HIT WITH A LOWSTRENGTH ELECTRIC SHOCK]
[HE FLAILS IN THE DARKNESS, PANICKING]
GRACE
What the fuck was that? Who’s there? What the fuck is this?
AUBREY
This, Dr Melé, is a defibrillator.
[THE HUM OF THE DEFIBRILLATOR CHARGES AGAIN AND THE BANG OF IMPACT AS SHE PUTS THE PADDLES ON EITHER SIDE OF GRACE’S ARMS]
[HE YELPS AND DROPS TO THE FLOOR OUT OF SHOCK]
Calm down, you big baby. That was barely enough to kill a salmon.
GRACE
Oh my God, Jesus what have you done to me. You’ve put me into an arrhythmia. I need a… a 12 lead ECG to check for, for myocardial damage…who are you?
[THE SOUND OF A ZIPPO LIGHTER BEING STRUCK]
[GRACE YELPS AGAIN]
AUBREY
I’m Aubrey Wood. I used to work here. How do you do?
GRACE
Aubrey Wood… W… why are you…
AUBREY
Why am I illuminating the space between us with a zippo lighter? Well, if you look closer, you’ll see I’ve duct-taped it to a can of my favourite antiperspirant. If you don’t do exactly what I tell you I’m going to spray it, which will burn your face off. On the plus side you’ll be protected from excess sweat and body odour for up to 48 hours.
[GRACE TRIES TO SCRAMBLE TO HIS FEET]
[AUBREY SIGHS, AND HITS THE SPRAY CAN]
[A MASSIVE LICK OF FLAME SHOOTS OUT AND AUBREY PUSHES HIM BACK AGAINST THE WALL]
[GRACE CRIES OUT IN FEAR]
That is what a homemade flamethrower looks like. Next time you move, it’s going in your eyeballs.
GRACE
Oh my God, Jesus. Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay.
AUBREY
Okay. Now reach out your hand.
GRACE
Why?
AUBREY
Have you seen Terminator 2?
GRACE
Um… Yes.
[AUBREY RUFFLES THROUGH A BAG WITH HER SPARE HAND]
AUBREY
Do you remember the bit at the offices of the big bad tech company that made the Terminator?
GRACE
Yes…
AUBREY
Right, hold this.
GRACE
Okay.
[GRACE TAKES IT WITHOUT THINKING]
AUBREY
Well done. Now, do you remember the bit where they give poor old Miles Dyson a trigger bomb, and when he lets go, the whole place explodes?
GRACE
What?
[SHE REACHES OUT, PRESSES A BUTTON ON THE DEVICE SHE GAVE GRACE]
[IT BEEPS LOUDLY AND GRACE YELPS]
AUBREY
Don’t let go.
[AUBREY GOES BACK INTO HER BAG]
GRACE
You’ve…you’ve got to be kidding…what is this connected to…
AUBREY
That trigger is connected to a bomb I made. I watched a video and found some very questionable chatrooms and now I’ve gotten quite good at them. They use up an extraordinary amount of sugar, oddly enough. Stay still.
GRACE
What are you doing now?
AUBREY
Tying your legs up.
[GRACE MAKES A PATHETIC LITTLE WHINE OF FEAR AS AUBREY TIES HIS LEGS TOGETHER]
You remind me of someone you know. My old partner, Ben Thomas. He was a lot like you. Smart in all the wrong places. Wrists please. Careful, don’t drop the bomb.
GRACE
Ben Thomas was your partner?
AUBREY
Yes, did you know him? Ended up in one of Bryony’s refrigerators. I have it on good authority she cut his skull open with a buzzsaw just the other week.
GRACE
I… she made me throw his body in the furnace. I’d barely gotten out of the helicopter… she said she was spring cleaning…
AUBREY
Bosses are just the worst, aren’t they?
[AUBREY FINISHES TYING GRACE’S WRISTS AND GETS UP TO LEAVE]
Okay. Sit tight.
GRACE
Hey! Where are you going?
AUBREY
Got some minor heroics to take care of.
GRACE
Oh God! Jesus!
[SHE WALKS OFF UP THE TUNNEL TOWARDS THE STATION, LEAVING GRACE BEHIND]
[AFTER A FEW MOMENTS SHE TURNS AROUND]
AUBREY
Hey, it’s Grace, isn’t it?
GRACE
Yes!
AUBREY
How many subjects have died on your watch?
GRACE
What?
AUBREY
Since you got here. How many people have you had to help Bryony kill?
GRACE
None. I’m not here to kill anyone.
AUBREY
Well, maybe there’s hope for you yet, Grace. Think about a career change before I get back.
[CUT]
[BRYONY AND WARREN WALK DOWN THE STAIRS]
BRYONY
You can unclench your teeth now, Warren. It’s over. You’re going back to sleep, and you’ll probably never see me again.
WARREN
Yeah. Okay.
BRYONY
Okay? Nothing else to say? After everything we’ve been through?
WARREN
You guys all talk so much, I don’t really have much to contribute at this point.
BRYONY
Fucking hell, Warren! All the shit you and I have crawled through together and that’s all you’ve got to say? ‘I don’t have much to contribute?’ You and I have contributed more to this company, more to…to…science, than…fuck!
WARREN
You alright?
BRYONY
An old man who looks like a human set of bagpipes, and a frumpy little cow who sounds like she born under a pool table, and they expect me to hear everything I’ve done described as an egg sandwich! An egg fucking sandwich!
[SHE THROWS SOMETHING THAT CLATTERS ACROSS THE STAIRS.]
WARREN
I’m sure you’ll just get another job. Like Clive said.
BRYONY
You may have noticed that there’s a recurrent theme linking the ex-staff of Red Valley, my love. You don’t find many of us at the fucking Job Centre.
WARREN
I never saw you get this angry when we were together.
[BRYONY LAUGHS HOLLOWLY, AND TAKES A DEEP BREATH]
BRYONY
No. No, you didn’t.
[PAUSE]
WARREN
Was any of that ever real? You and me?
BRYONY
No.
WARREN
Right.
BRYONY
Well, let’s get it over with. Ah, the Records Room. Bear with me a moment, I just have to get something from the safe.
[BRYONY CROSSES THE CORRIDOR AND OPENS THE DOOR TO THE RECORDS ROOM]
GORDON
Bryony! Jesus, you scared me. Warren?
WARREN
Hey.
BRYONY
Evening Gordon. How’s that data coming along I asked you to collect?
GORDON
Oh, yeah, it’s all here.
[GORDON PUSHES SOME HARD DRIVES ACROSS HIS DESK]
BRYONY
Wonderful.
[BRYONY WALKS TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM, TO THE SAFE]
GORDON
How was the meeting?
WARREN
It was fine. What are you doing?
GORDON
Oh nothing, I’ve finished up here, if you want to we cou-
WARREN
We’re just heading to the cryopod.
[IN THE BACKGROUND, BRYONY PRESSES BUTTONS ON THE SAFE KEYPAD AND IT OPENS WITH A CLUNK]
GORDON
Oh, umm… do you think we could… hang out a bit, first?
WARREN
I don’t know man, it’s late. It’s been a long day.
[A CLICK]
GORDON
Come on, I haven’t been out in ages. Let me live vicariously through you. Where did you go?
WARREN
We went to a pub in Glasgow.
GORDON
A pub?
WARREN
Yeah. It was quite nice actually. It was called the…what was it called?
BRYONY
The Boat and Bridger. Oh Gordon, before I forget. Do you remember the night we cut open the skull of Ben Thomas, the poor old sod who used to work here, then ran away and betrayed us?
WARREN
Sorry, wh… what are we talking about?
BRYONY
I told you Clive found him and killed him. Do you remember that, Gordon?
GORDON
I, what?
BRYONY
I lied. Clive meant what he said up there, Warren. He’s all talk, and no action.
[A GUN BEING COCKED, AND THE IMMEDIATE AND LOUD CRACK OF A SINGLE GUNSHOT]
[THE HEAVY SLUMP OF A BODY HITTING THE FLOOR]
[CUT]
[STATIC]
[TWO COMM UNITS]
CLIVE
What was that? Hello?
PAMELA
Clive?
CLIVE
Pamela, what was that?
PAMELA
I don’t know, I’m in the cryosuite. Grace?
CLIVE
Bryony?
[STATIC]
Bryony?
[STATIC]
Fuck sake. Where is Gordon bloody Porlock?
[CUT]
[AUBREY, FRESHLY EMERGED FROM THE TUNNEL, CREEPING DOWN THE CORRIDOR]
[SHE HISSES INTO HER COMM]
AUBREY
Gordon? Gordon, what the hell was that? Gordon, I’m right by -
[AT THE OTHER END OF THE CORRIDOR, THE FAMILIAR CLICK OF HEELS WALKING AWAY]
[AUBREY PUTS THE COMM DOWN]
[A SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH, THEN A SHOUT IN ANGER]
Bryony!
[BRYONY TURNS ON THE SPOT IN SURPRISE]
[THEY TALK FROM OPPOSING ENDS OF THE CORRIDOR, THE RECORDS ROOM BETWEEN THEM]
BRYONY
My God. Aubrey Wood? Is that a bobble hat you’re wearing? Good lord, you haven’t been living down here all along, have you? Like that Parasite movie?
AUBREY
Where’s Gordon?
BRYONY
Ohhh… I see what’s happened. I have you to thank for my new professional freedom, do I? Should’ve known Mr Porlock wasn’t capable of a dastardly plot like that all by himself. Well, it seems we’ll both be freelancers then. We can do LinkedIn or something.
[AUBREY PULLS SOMETHING FROM HER BAG]
AUBREY
Bryony, where is Gordon?
BRYONY
What… what is that you’re holding?
AUBREY
It’s a pipe bomb.
BRYONY
Ah. Is it real?
AUBREY
Very much so. I gave the fake one to your handsome assistant to hold on to.
BRYONY
Well, as impressive as your commitment to grassroots terrorism is, it’s not very effective in this situation, I’m afraid. You need something much more focused, like this.
[BRYONY PULLS HER GUN AND IMMEDIATELY FIRES IT AT AUBREY]
AUBREY
Shit!
[AUBREY DUCKS BEHIND A WALL AS THE SHOT HITS IT WITH A METALLIC CLANG, FOLLOWED BY TWO MORE SHOTS WITH THE SAME EFFECT]
[AFTER A MOMENT OF SILENCE, THE SOUND OF THE DOOR TO THE STAIRWELL OPENING AND SLAMMING, FOOTSTEPS RUNNING AWAY]
[AUBREY, BREATHING HARD, POKES HER HEAD ROUND THE WALL]
[SHE GOES TO HER COMM FRANTICALLY AS SHE RUSHES DOWN THE CORRIDOR TOWARDS THE RECORDS ROOM]
Gordon? Warren? Are either of you… Are either of you -
[SHE OPENS THE DOOR WITH A CREAK]
WARREN
Help me. Help me. Please. Help me.
AUBREY
Oh my God.
[CUT]
GORD
Are you sure you would like me to continue playback, Aubrey?
AUBREY (FUTURE)
Yes. Carry on, Gord.
[GORD IS PLAYING HER THE RECORDINGS]
[THEY ECHO AROUND THE CHAMBER]
AUBREY
Keep the pressure on him. Warren. Warren, look at me. Keep the pressure on his stomach.
WARREN
I don’t - I don’t know how -
AUBREY
Where’s the crash trolley? Warren, I need you to tell me where -
AUBREY
Skip.
[GORD SKIPS]
[CUT]
PAMELA
Grace? Gordon? Why the fuck is no one answering?
CLIVE
Pamela?
PAMELA
Clive!
CLIVE
Pamela, can you please tell me what the sweet shit is going on down there?
PAMELA
I heard shots…like, gunshots.
CLIVE
Yes, I heard that too. Anything else would be useful.
PAMELA
I can’t find anyone. No one’s answering.
CLIVE
Just get up here.
PAMELA
I’m on my way. I’ll be right there.
[to herself] Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit
[ON THE END OF THE COMM, THE HEAVY DOOR TO THE STAIRWELL OPENING]
CLIVE
That was… faaaaauuucking hell, now Bryony, I want you to think very carefully about -
[A GUNSHOT]
[THE COMM CUTS OFF]
PAMELA
Clive? Clive?!
[NOTHING]
[PAMELA KEEPS MOVING, UNABLE TO STOP]
Oh, fuck me, fuck me –
[SHE RUNS RIGHT PAST THE RECORDS ROOM]
AUBREY
Hey! Hey!
[PAMELA NEARLY JUMPS OUT OF HER SKIN IN FRIGHT]
PAMELA
Who the fuck are you? -
AUBREY
Hey, it’s Pamela, right? The American? I need the crash trolley and I need a gurney, right now.
PAMELA
What are you -
[SHE STEPS INTO THE DOORWAY]
Fuck! Warren, what happened to Gordon -
AUBREY
Gordon’s been shot. He’s breathing but we can’t help him like this. I need the emergency drugs box, I need the airway kit, we need to move him, and we’re going to need blood. Grace is in the tunnel, about 30 yards down, he’s tied up and he’s holding a bomb but it’s a fake, okay, you need to untie him, and get what we need. I need all hands on deck, alright?
PAMELA
What are you talking about?
AUBREY
Will you… Will you just fucking do it, Pam. Please.
PAMELA
Fuck!
AUBREY
Skip.
PAMELA
I can’t believe you thought that was a real bomb, you fucking moron. It looked like a Pez dispenser.
GRACE
It was dark, and she had just electrocuted me! Okay!
PAMELA
Whatever. Let’s just get - wait, wait, where are you going?
GRACE
The blood fridge. Where are you going?
PAMELA
I’m getting the hell out of here. We’re getting the hell out of here.
GRACE
You said Gordon was shot. In the stomach.
PAMELA
Yeah, and I don’t plan on ending up the same way. You just said that woman attacked you with a jerryrigged defibrillator strapped to her back! She’s insane!
GRACE
Pam… he’ll die
[THE COMM CRACKLES]
CLIVE
Pam… where the fuck are you…
PAMELA
Clive, Jesus Christ, Clive are you alright?
CLIVE
Do I sound…alright?
PAMELA
Where are you?
CLIVE
She shot me. The bitch shot me in the fucking…knees…she’s taken the helicopter…why aren’t you here?
PAMELA
I’m sorry, I got a bit… tied up.
CLIVE
Tied up. Oh, right. Well, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d be grateful if you popped up here and helped me not bleed to death, you bloody idiot!
[HE CLICKS OFF]
PAMELA
Grace, I’m going.
GRACE
I… I’m going to stay.
PAMELA
Whatever.
AUBREY (FUTURE)
Skip.
[THE RECORDING SKIPS]
AUBREY
The breathing bag. Like a rugby ball with a mask attached to it. Look at me. One hand here, one on the mask, like this. Warren you can do th -
AUBREY (FUTURE)
Skip.
[THE RECORDING SKIPS]
AUBREY
Okay. Mask off. Grace, bit of pressure on the neck. To the right. Damn it.
GRACE
Can you see? Don’t you want to use the video assist?
AUBREY
I think I’ve got it. Tube.
AUBREY (FUTURE)
Skip.
[GORD STOPS PLAYBACK]
GORD
Would you like me to stop playing these recordings Aubrey? I imagine they may be upsetting to you.
AUBREY (FUTURE)
No. And you don’t have the capacity to imagine. Skip.
[GORD CONTINUES]
AUBREY
More blood.
GRACE
There’s no point putting more blood up. That’s it, we don’t have any more than this. Hello?
AUBREY
I’m thinking.
GRACE
What?
AUBREY
We can put him in the cryopod.
GRACE
The pod?
AUBREY
How long does it take to set up?
GRACE
It’s… it’s fully set up, we were going to put Warren in tonight. The Hartshorn is ready to go.
[AUBREY IS THINKING HARD]
AUBREY
Halbech was working on the haemostatic properties of the infusion, right, so it could be used in emergency medicine. Wasn’t she?
GRACE
How do you know that?
AUBREY
Gordon told me. Fuck it. Freezing someone is the easy part. We’ll worry about the rest later. Come on, Warren. We need to move him. Warren?
WARREN
I can’t do this. Aubrey, I can’t…
[A CLATTER AS WARREN DROPS TO THE FLOOR]
AUBREY
Warren!
WARREN
I…
GRACE
Warren, your nose is bleeding. Oh… shit, he’s bleeding from his ear as well.
AUBREY
Warren. Warren. Warren, hey! Look at me!
GRACE
Oh God! What’s happening to him?
AUBREY
He’s in shock.
WARREN
I can’t… put me back… please just put me back… put me back… put me back…
AUBREY (FUTURE)
Gord, stop it.
[THE RECORDING CUTS ABRUPTLY]
[HESTER HAS ENTERED THE CRYOSUITE – SHE PULLS UP A CHAIR BY AUBREY]
Hester.
HESTER
What are you doing?
AUBREY
Reliving the good times.
HESTER
I brought the tortoise down. Thought she could visit Gordon, he is her dad after all.
AUBREY
Hey Waffles. Big girl.
HESTER
She likes it on top of the pod, I think. I mean, as much as she likes anything. She just stands there.
[SHE PUTS WAFFLES DOWN ON GORDON’S POD – THEY SIT FOR A MOMENT]
You want to talk about it?
AUBREY
Bryony had cleared out the remaining Hartshorn on her way out and left in the helicopter. God knows where she went. But there was an infusion left over. It had been meant for Warren before he was taken to Glasgow. The night you saw him in The Boat and Bridger. It should’ve been wasted, Grace or Pam should’ve thrown it in the furnace because it had been out of containment too long, it would’ve been degraded, too risky to use. But with everything that was going on, they hadn’t gotten round to it yet, and we didn’t have a choice. Warren was going into shock and starting to haemorrhage, the first signs his body was finally giving up on the treatment. Gordon… well, the bullet had gone straight through, we didn’t have any more blood to give, he was going to bleed out in a matter of minutes. So, I used the good infusion on Warren, and the degraded one on Gordon. Warren was the best hope for a successful emergence.
HESTER
You had to make the call. You were still trying to save them both.
AUBREY
It was messy. Really… messy. We got them both into their own pod. We spent an hour or so moving them into the tunnel. To… right here, where we’re sitting now. Then Grace and I blew up the tunnel entrances at both ends. Sealed them in the mountain. Our first bombing.
HESTER
I made you stop the recording before you started blowing things up with homemade bombs?
AUBREY
It was hardly -
HESTER
Gord… Gord, please tell me there’s a tape of that.
AUBREY
It’s a fractured recording but of course.
[A RECORDING BEGINS]
[IN THE DISTANCE A FIRE ALARM BLARES]
AUBREY
Is that it? Is that everything? Where’s the anaesthetic vapour? That’ll go up like nobody’s business.
GRACE
Well, no it’s not everything, but I also don’t want to be buried alive.
AUBREY
You’ve got everything you want to take?
GRACE
Yes. Yes, You?
AUBREY
Anything I thought was useful. And one tortoise in a Tupperware.
GRACE
Right.
AUBREY
Right. This is crazy. Are you sure those pods are going to hold out?
GRACE
Oh no, they’re built to endure. The whole idea is if the rest of the world goes to pieces around it, the cryopod still survives. They’ll be as safe as they can be. Unless you can fit them in your van.
AUBREY
With any luck Overhead won’t even know Warren and Gordon are in here. I’ll come back for them soon enough. I’ll come back. Somehow.
[GRACE’S COMM CRACKLES]
[THERE IS THE WAIL OF A HELICOPTER ROTOR GOING IN THE BACKGROUND]
PAMELA
Grace? Grace!
AUBREY
You going to answer that?
GRACE
Hi Pam.
PAMELA
The Decom Team is here! We’re leaving!
AUBREY
You’re not my hostage, Dr Melé. You do what you have to do.
GRACE
There’s no walking away from this, is there?
AUBREY
I’m the only person I know who walked away from this place. And look how far I got. It’s not an easy life, Grace.
PAMELA
Grace? Gra -
[GRACE TURNS OFF THE COMM, AND SMASHES IT ON THE FLOOR]
GRACE
Alright then.
AUBREY
Alright. Well, here we go. Here’s the… bomb.
GRACE
So, this one is real.
AUBREY
Oh definitely. Look it has a timer on it and everything. I got it from John Lewis. The timer I mean. It’s like the one they use on Bake Off.
GRACE
Okay then.
AUBREY
Okay.
[WITH A BEEP THE TIMER IS ACTIVATED, AUBREY PUTS IT DOWN]
GRACE
Time to run, is it?
AUBREY
Ah… yeah.
[THEY START TO RUN]
Shit, the tortoise! I’ve left the tortoise!
[SHE SCRAMBLES BACK, GRABS THE TUPPERWARE WITH WAFFLES INSIDE]
Got it! Right, let’s go!
[THEY RUN AWAY]
[EVENTUALLY AN EXPLOSION BEHIND THEM AND THE SOUND OF ROCKS FALLING]
GRACE
Fuuuuuuuuuck!
AUBREY
Oh Nelly! Oh dear!
GRACE
Fuck fuck fuck!
[CUT]
HESTER
Wow. That was like Blue Peter meets Die Hard.
AUBREY
Ha, yes. We, uh. We got more proficient over the years.
HESTER
Hey Waffles! Did you know you were in an action film? That was awesome, wasn’t it?
[WAFFLES DOES BUGGER ALL]
I don’t know why you never wanted to talk about all this. You saved Warren and Gordon’s lives. Grace as well probably.
AUBREY
That’s a kind thing to say.
[HESTER STANDS UP, AND PICKS UP WAFFLES]
HESTER
Come on. We’ve got rounds to do upstairs. And then you’re going to see Warren. He’s awake.
[HESTER HUGS AUBREY WITH HER FREE HAND AND KISSES HER ON THE TOP OF THE HEAD]
AUBREY
Yes sir.
[CUT]
[WARREN AWAKES WITH A START]
[THE ONLY SOUND, THE GENTLE BEEP OF A MONITOR, A SUBTLE WHIRR OF VENTILATION]
[PEACEFUL MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND, AMBIENT SOUND EFFECTS - A BABBLING BROOK, BIRDS FLAPPING BY]
WARREN
Gordon? Gordon!
GORD
I’m here.
WARREN
Oh, oh, thank God. Wait h.. how are you here? H… How did you -
GORD
You’ve been in hypersleep.
WARREN
Well yeah. I can’t see anything.
GORD
The lights are very low.
WARREN
No, I mean I can’t see anything. My eyes are open and its black, what’s going on?
[GORD PUTS ON THE VOICE OF BOUSHH FROM RETURN OF THE JEDI]
GORD
[as boushh from return of the jedi] Your eyesight will return.
WARREN
What?
GORD
You have hibernation sickness.
WARREN
What?
GORD
That’s from Return of the Jedi, my favourite Star Wars movie.
WARREN
Why are you talking like that?
GORD
Did you know Return of the Jedi was the biggest box office hit of 1983 ahead of Tootsie and Flashdance?
WARREN
What… what the hell have you – I… I’m blind – Y… you’re sounding like Norman Bates - are you even in the room – wh… where are you –
[AN INTERCOM TURNS ON WITH A SQUEAL. A HARRIED AND OUT OF BREATH AUBREY WOOD]
AUBREY
Sorry sorry sorry, I’m here, I’m here. It’s crazy upstairs.
GORD
He’s awake.
WARREN
Aubrey?
AUBREY
Oh, okay okay. Hi Warren.
WARREN
Aubrey, Aubrey, wh… what is going on, I can’t see, are my legs - are my legs working? Why does Gordon sound like the murder bot from 2001 -
GORD
That’s HAL9000, performed by -
WARREN
Shut up.
AUBREY
The idea was that he’d keep you calm as you emerged. A familiar voice. He’s actually the station computer, a Blue Sky unit. A bit more advanced than the one you probably remember. Good for telling you the weather and reading Wikipedia entries, that was about it back then, wasn’t it?
WARREN
Literally none of that made sense. I’m contemplating having a panic attack, wh… what do you think?
AUBREY
Gord, give him something.
WARREN
Gord?
GORD
It’ll make him sleepy again.
WARREN
Look no, I don’t want to go back to sleep -
AUBREY
It’s been 3 days, he’ll be alright.
WARREN
So that’s not even Gordon, it’s a fucking Blue Sky unit -
GORD
We don’t know how long it may take for Warren’s cognitive -
AUBREY
Just give him the thing!
[THE HISS OF AN INFUSION PUMP NEXT TO WARREN]
[WARREN MAKES AN IRRITATED WHINE OF RESIGNATION AS THE RELAXANT HITS HIM]
[HE PUTS HIS HEAD BACK ON THE PILLOW]
AUBREY
Is that better?
[WARREN’S ANXIOUS TONE HAS DROPPED TO SOMETHING APPROACHING RELAXED]
WARREN
Now I’m just dizzy. Which seems unfair when I can’t even see. Can you please turn that pan pipe shit off?
GORD
Certainly.
[THE MUSIC AND SOUND EFFECTS CUT]
Would you like some Amazon rainfall sounds instead?
WARREN
No!
GORD
Only trying to help.
AUBREY
Yes. Thank you.
WARREN
Where am I? Where are you?
AUBREY
You’re in quarantine. Will be for quite a while I’m afraid. For your own good, of course. I’m just through the glass.
WARREN
What did you mean 3 days? I must have been asleep more than 3 days.
AUBREY
It’s been 3 days since you Kontinued. Since you woke up. Your short-term memory hasn’t quite caught up yet. We’ve had this conversation a dozen times.
GORD
13 times.
AUBREY
A baker’s dozen times.
WARREN
What?
AUBREY
You go off the handle, we have to knock you out, you forget everything, we go again. I’ve been awake for 30 hours.
WARREN
Aubrey, you sound terrible.
AUBREY
I know, I’ve been awake for 30 hours -
WARREN
No, you sound different all low and slowed down like your batteries are running out. Gordon’s a robot, my body is not working, can you please just tell me what’s going on.
AUBREY
You’ve been in hypersleep for 44 years. It’s 2064.
WARREN
Of course it is.
AUBREY
Well, that’s a better reaction than usual.
WARREN
Really? How else do you react to something as ridiculous as that?
AUBREY
I have 12 very recent examples. You rip out your IV, or you try and break your monitor. A couple of times you tried to get out of bed, banging your head on the floor and ripping out your catheter. That’s umm… why your arms are covered in gauze and sticky tape, why you have that unsightly bump on your head and why I expect your penis is incredibly sore right now.
WARREN
I was going to ask.
AUBREY
No one’s ever Kontinued after this long. Frankly it’s a miracle you’re even alive. But then you’ve been told that before, haven’t you? I don’t why any of us should feel surprised.
WARREN
And Gordon? Actual Gordon?
AUBREY
He’s right where we left him. He’s in hypersleep.
WARREN
So, where are we?
AUBREY
Red Valley.
WARREN
Back here again?
AUBREY
You never left. Neither of you did.
WARREN
44 years. But that… that would make you -
AUBREY
Ah ah ah, that’s another story. If you remember any of this the next time you wake up, Gord -
GORD
Hello!
AUBREY
Yes, hello. Gord can start filling in some blanks.
[A SCRAPE OF A CHAIR AS AUBREY GETS UP TO LEAVE]
WARREN
Some blanks? Aubrey, hey, wait, come on. What about-
AUBREY
This is good. You sound much better. I need to sleep, and you’ll be out cold in a few minutes. Your eyes should be fine. No reason you shouldn’t bounce back, you always do.
WARREN
But why now. Wh… Why leave it so long, wh… what’s happening?
AUBREY
You’ve missed a lot, Warren. But I thought one way or another you’d want to see the end.
WARREN
The end of what?
AUBREY
The end of Red Valley. Goodnight Warren.